Conflict Resolution

Sometimes we cannot control what happens.  The students in our Adventure Based Behavior Management program often have a hard time learning this lesson.  Indeed, I would say that most people have difficulties with the notion that they are not completely in control.  If you ask someone to give us some control, you often come up against a lot of resistance.  There are countless examples of this all around you.  Take just a moment and think about your workplace, your family, and your friends.  What happens when you or someone in your social circle is asked to give up some power or control?

Yesterday I worked with a group of the students in our satellite program from Hazel Park.  We were on an element called the whale watch.  For the uninitiated, it is a giant platform that teeters back and fourth.  The challenge is to get your entire group onto the platform without either side touching the ground.  Approximately 10 of the members of the group had participated in this activity before.

We started the activity and the students started to do what comes natural to them.  They started fighting for power in the group.  One member in particular was really trying to make is voice heard.  So much so that when other members would bring up the same ideas as him, he would get frustrated and tell them that it was a stupid idea, then restate his idea with slightly different language.  Many group members quickly became frustrated with this.

Most of the members come from situations that when this power struggle starts to happen, they will either shy away or go full on into an argument.  There is no in between.  As you might be able to tell, the group quickly degenerated into six members all trying to yell over each other and the rest of the group walking away from the activity.  At one point the group was brought back together, and that is when it happened.

One of the members decided that they would go around the group and hear what everyone had to say.  When they came to one student in particular, he was able to point out directly that there was a power struggle happening and that it was not helping the group.  He was able to convince the group that if they all gave up some control, and just go with an idea, they would most likely be successful.  They all agreed, attempted the activity again, and were successful.

The whole activity took almost an hour.  It was necessary to let the conflict happen in order to allow the group to reach the point of success.  That was the power that I had to give up.  Typically when a group starts to experience conflict, I will step in and stop it.  This day, for some reason, I decided to let go of some of my control, let conflict happen, and I was rewarded with a group that was more self-sufficient at solving their own issues.